How Do I Lead My Wife Spiritually and in Prayer?

When we marry, it’s not just two people coming together. It’s two people coming together with God. It’s a relationship of three that takes time to grow and develop.

Keep prayer simple in the beginning. Ask her how you can pray for her day, and then pray together and be specific. When tough times strike, the intensity of your prayers will increase. Lead her well and depend on each other for prayer and accountability.

Trip & Andrea’s Marriage Restoration Story

On the verge of divorce, Trip & Andrea decided to try out church at 12Stone’s Buford Campus. Once they visited, they knew they never wanted to leave! Their hearts began to change and knew that their marriage is worth saving.

After meeting with a pastor, they joined a ReEngage Marriage group and today have a great restoration story!

This year (2018), a permanent location is being constructed for the Buford Campus. 12Stone is excited as we know this opens up opportunities for more stories of impact and redemption for the Buford community.

Interview with Hasani Pettiford

Kevin interviews Hasani Pettiford, founder of Couples Academy, on how to navigate conflict within marriage. Hasani gives us key techniques that we can focus on in marriage to solve conflict:

  • Communicate effectively in what you say, how you say it, and your body language
  • Make the Bible the final authority
  • Give up the need to have to be right

 

Solving Conflict Within Marriage

In Ephesians 5:21-28, Paul gives a framework for marriage to work. This structure helps two people cooperate because Christ is ruling their life!

First they must let God’s peace rule in our hearts, then they are able to have a mutual respect and love for each other. Through this a married couple gains a better way of resolving conflict in marriage.

Valuing Family Togetherness

God designed families to stick together.

In marriage, we die to our single life in order to look forward to being together. This means that time together becomes the default, rather than time apart.

When Kevin and Marcia got married, their single lives had to die. They made “together” a sacred value in their family. Every effort has been made to form their family to be together as a default habit.

How Families Can Withstand Pressure

Two different families may come from the same mold, but we won’t know the difference between the two until pressure is applied; job, finance, emotional, psychological. Once the pressure comes there is no amount of skill or training that can compensate for being hollow – it all falls apart.

If families are built from the inside out, they can sustain pressure from the outside in.

Fall Back in Love

Scripture: Romans 8

The Truth: Romantic love may start a marriage, but only true love will strengthen a marriage for life. And true love comes from God alone.

The Dare: We dare you to fall back in love – Let kindness conquer contempt in your marriage.

Action:

Dare: (Fall back in love)

  • Get back to praying for each other
  • Get back to sexual intimacy
  • Get back to walks and talks
  • Get back to date nights

Double Dog Dare: (Change Emotionally Mature)

Can you explain the biblical use of submit in marriage?

Submission isn’t about knowing your position and feeling less than or greater than your spouse. It is about choosing the attitude with which you serve your spouse. It is about putting aside selfish desires for the greater good of your marriage and family. It is not forced or demanded.

Just as Jesus modeled through his sacrificial death on the cross, he chose to submit in a way that was loving and selfless. Wives are called to submit to their husbands, and husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And together, we submit ourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Life Together

You have asked real questions. We are going to offer real answers – centered in the books of 1 & 2 Peter.

The character and nature of who God is that He keeps his word and reconciles relationships.

  1. Can you explain the biblical use of ‘submit’ in marriage?
  2. Is ‘divorce’ ever a sin? Is it ever OK?
  3. How can I be a submissive wife to a non-Christian?
  4. I’m re-married, is that talked about in the bible?
  5. Should you date someone who is a nonbeliever?
  6. What should the church do about racism?

Is it ok to live together until we get married?

Typically, when people ask this question, they’re really asking if it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage. If you’re a Christian, then the answer is “No, it’s not okay.” As a follower of Jesus Christ, this is a choice that you simply would not make because you want to honor God.

If you’re not a Christian, the world will tell you it’s perfectly fine to live together, and it’s actually the cultural norm. But don’t deceived. Any sex outside of marriage is clearly outlined in Scripture as unholy and grievous to the heart of God.

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Matthew 19: 4-6

Never Give Up

Pastor Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch.tv

Scripture:

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

  1. A contract is based on a mutual distrust.
  2. A covenant is based on mutual commitment.

Sowing and reaping in marriage.

  1. You reap what you sow.
  2. You reap where you sow.

Talk it over:

  • What and where are you sowing right now? Are you pleased with what you’re reaping?
  • What type of harvest do you ultimately want your marriage to reap?
  • What are some specific things you’ve learned from this series that will help ensure you never give up in your marriage?

Stay Pure

Scripture: Hebrews 13:4

  1. Outward Purity … (Adultery & Box of Lies)
  2. Inward Purity … (Lust & the Box of Lies)
  3. Hint of Impurity … (Flirting with the Box of Lies)

Reflect:

  • What will you do with the Box of Lies?
  • Set your will to stay pure!

Joy in Relationships

Scripture:

  • John 15:11
  • John 10:10

Big Picture:

  1. Joy shows up in relationships.
  2. Jesus alone can complete you. (John 15:11)
  3. Jesus gives you abundant life so that you can share it. (John 10:10)
  4. If you want to enjoy you’ve got to bring joy.

Best Practices:

  1. Face–to–Face
  2. Side–by–Side
  3. Belly Button–to–Belly Button

Fair Fight

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13

Love Redefines How You Fight

5 Fair Fight Lessons from Love:

1) “Love cares more for others than for self”  (Sponge)
Love absorbs annoyance.

2) “Love doesn’t fly off the handle”  (Frying Pan)
Love lets things roll off your back.

3) “Love doesn’t keep score of wrongs”  (Wastebasket)
Love trashes the list.

4) “Love isn’t always me first”  (Hammer & Nail)
Love hears before it’s heard.

5) “Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have” (Measuring Cup)
Love is content (or discontent will undo you).

Seek God

Scripture: 

  • Genesis 2
  • Hebrews 10:23-25

Big Picture:  You were created by God and for God.

  1. He is the only person who can fulfill you.
  2. He has the power to change you.
  3. He is the purpose that is greater than your pressure.

Best Practice: Seek God by praying together.

Father, we ask that you would change us, that you would fulfill us, draw us closer to you and closer to each other. Amen.

Jesus

Scripture: Philippians 2:5-11, Luke 2

Excuse: “I’m at a disadvantage”

Jesus became an underdog, he disadvantaged himself to advantage others.

The disadvantages of the underdog:

  1. Jesus was disadvantaged in security. (Luke 2:6-7)
  2. Jesus was disadvantaged financially. (Luke 2:22)
  3. Jesus had a disadvantaged neighborhood. (Luke 2:39)
  4. Jesus had a disadvantaged appearance. (Isaiah 53:2-3)

The underdog advantage:

  1. Be Courageous
  2. Be Generous
  3. Be Approachable
  4. Be Loving

Jacob

Excuse: “My label limits me.”

Scripture: Genesis 32

Jacob’s Advice:

  1. Labels can be life changing.
  2. Own the truth of your label. (sinner by choice)
  3. God can change your worst label. (sinner by grace)

Question: What will you do with the offer of God?

Peter

Excuse: “Weary from long nights & empty boats.”

4 Lessons:

  1. Jesus often asks you to take another turn.
  2. Choose God’s Way.
  3. There’s MORE when you do it HIS Way.
  4. Jesus invites you to fish for bigger fish.

Consider:

  1. Where are you weary from long nights and empty boats? What if God wanted you to give you MORE? Where do you need to giveSometimes we are weary from “long nights and empty boats”. What if God wanted to give you more? What do you need to give another try and do God’s way?  another try & do it God’s way?
  2. PK will be fasting & praying again on Monday, 8/18. We’re asking God to move on the hearts & minds of 12Stoners to sign on as Pioneers (for bigger fish). Will you join in fasting & praying for perhaps a meal? (or more)
  3. Would God SEND you as a Pioneer for one of the 5 Campuses?

Esther

Scripture: Book of Esther

Excuse: “My chances are slim.”

4 Lessons:

  1. Never call serving others a “little thing”.
  2. Uncertainty is certain (be humble).
  3. Choose “uncertain but serving” over “certain but selfish”.
  4. Let “God is Certain” become your peace.

Consider:

  • Are you facing an ‘uncertain circumstance’ in marriage, career, finances, health or faith? Can you serve to change it? (Would you let “God is Certain” become your peace?)
  • PK will be fasting & praying the next two Mondays (Aug 11 & Aug 18) asking God to move on the hearts & minds of 12Stoners to sign on as Pioneers. Will you join in fasting & praying for perhaps a meal? (or more).
  • Would God SEND you as a Pioneer for one of the 5 Campus? Become A Pioneer

 

David

Scripture: 1 Samuel 16:1-13

Excuse #1  – “I’m not qualified enough.”

3 Lessons:

  1. Overlooked by others is not the end.
  2. Underdogs can become a God’s anointed Top Dogs.
  3. A promising future doesn’t skip the growth process.

Consider:

  • Are you in an underdog marriage, career track, or spiritual path and excusing yourself?
  • Where are you skipping the growth process?
  • Would God anoint you as a Pioneer for one of the 5 campuses?

Play Under Pressure

Scripture: Philippians 2:1-11

Recap:
Pause everyday for family prayer.
Rewind everyday to build up.
Fast Forward everyday to thrive.

“Your pressure is not a prison to escape, it’s a platform to embrace.”

Play by choosing joy under pressure.

  1. Go to the source.
  2. Adjust your focus to others.
  3. Align your attitude with Christ.

Fast Forward to Thrive

Scripture: Hebrews 10

1) Freedom to Unmask
2) Blind Spot Love
3) Fast Forward Potential

Proverbs 10:12 – “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.”

Pause For Family Prayer, Rewind To Build Up, & Fast Forward To Thrive:

  • Which of these 3 do you naturally give to your family?
  • Which of these 3 do you need to improve?

Rewind To Build Up

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5

“Nothing gets better with neglect.”

1) Don’t just consume; Connect.

2) Don’t just Unwind; Rewind

  • What today made you sad?
  • What today made you mad?
  • What today made you glad?

3) Don’t just Blah, Blah, Blah; Build Up (1 Thessalonians 5:14-18)

  • Do your part.
  • Be patient.
  • Build Up

Challenge: Commit your family to come to the table for the next month. (No tech, no toys. At least 4 nights a week, 30-60 minutes & practice rewind to build up)

Pause For Family Prayer

Two family truths:

  • Family dysfunction just happens in every family.
  • Family dynasty takes work.

3 ways pausing for family prayer helps build your family dynasty:

  • It centers your home on Christ. (Colossians 3:1-4)
  • It makes God normal at home. (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)
  • It unleashes God’s power at home.

Self-centered people can’t build family dynasties. Selfishness can only bring more dysfunction.

Keep it simple. Be consistent. Start today.

“God, we thank you for…”
“God, please help us with…”

Win With Conversation

Scripture References: Genesis 12 & 20; Philippians 2

1) This is How Abe Rolls – Looks to his own interest

2) This is How Jesus Rolls – Looks to the interest of others

“You have to want more for them than from them”

3) This is How Crucial Conversations Roll

Crucial Conversation is when 3 things Converge:

3