Rituals are things/actions you do consistently that reflect and then reinforce your values. This list below can seem more or less than you’d ascribe to “ritual”. You might even say, some are just routine or tradition or obvious. But ritual is a defined – repeated – consistent action that is tied to a value. In that case – there are lots. This list is not exhaustive or prescriptive. It’s merely an accumulation from a recent Myers family text thread where we talked about “what do you remember as our “family rituals”.
Don’t evaluate the list – use it to “stir” your “Rituals”.
MYERS FAMILY RITUALS
Bedtime Stuff
- Daddy puts kids to bed at least 4 nights a week.
- Bedtime bath, PJ’s, Brush teeth (usually mom)
- Tickling the sillies out – dad
- Silly songs with dad … (so berry much)
- Bedtime only story time (Make up fantasy world and used kids name as the primary character.
- Bedtime prayers (1 min)
- Bedtime (elementary) talk about what made you happy today? Unhappy? Grateful?
- Big Bed on weekends (all pile in mom & dad’s big bed and catch up, stories, life, funny videos, friends, plans, physical/emotional bonding)
Mornings Stuff
- 1 min prayer before school (for the day ahead)
- Don’t leave the house without saying, “Goodbye – love you” – don’t come home without saying, “Hi – love you”.
- Don’t Disappear (kiss – love you – bye)
- MS & HS: get yourself up with an alarm clock. Manage yourself to be get ready for school on time.
After School Stuff
- Snack after school
- Chill time for a short bit, but PAY BEFORE YOU PLAY (homework done before you play)
- Big on “Pay before you Play vs. Play before you Pay”
- As a rule – your bedroom door is open (caution isolation – secret)
- Limits on technology
- Sports practices and school teams worked itself into the mess of calendar
Family Code Stuff
- Don’t take yourself too seriously – laugh at yourself!
- The countdown to obey: You have 3 seconds to “stop that” … 3 – 2 – 1.
- “Magic Tap Out” – if you want dad to stop, i.e. release from wrestling, stop teasing, stop the good ole dad torture routines, there was always a “magic out”, you had to say, “Dad’s the Greatest Dad”.
- Pay then Play: Do hard things first and then be freed up. Do discipline first, then be freed up.
- Do the last 10%….it’s the hardest part of any job.
- Say the last 10%….it’s the hardest part of any conversation.
- You can have anything; you can’t have everything.
- Respect your Mom….or you experience the intense wrath of dad.
- Guys, we open the door for ladies (we don’t care what others think about it).
- Practice makes permanent.
- No Name Calling…never use a negative name to describe a sibling.
- Responsibility precedes rights; you earn freedoms, it’s not a right.
- Tell the truth. (We don’t lie. If you lie to me, I lie to you. Do you like being lied to? Be the kind of family you want to live in.)
- No Favorites (we sincerely don’t pick favorites). Therefore, we can humorously compete to be the favorite🙂 …I’m the Favorite? Right?!
- We talk things out without yelling, venting, screaming or losing our temper (all public venting will require public apology. We don’t sweep it under the rug or pretend it never happened.
- Conflict Resolution is handled relational and conversational in private, not in front of others.
- When we “Mess up” – explain what you did wrong (so we know you know) and apologize. Ex: I’m sorry for _________. Would you forgive me? Note: disobedience has consequences and forgiveness. Human mess ups usually have few consequences and forgiveness. Either way, we confirm “forgiveness/grace” given and hug it out. We affirm the person and the relationship. There is no pretense going forward. All is clear. We can move on.
- Mom and Dad don’t argue in front of the kids.
- We celebrate each other!
- We do not compete with each other!
- (Family is a safe place to win, to lose, to learn, to struggle to try or train. We do not compete with each other in grades or knowledge or skill nor hide success. Example: everyone in the Myers family had a better GPA in HS and College than dad. And yet dad still thinks he’s the smartest in the family.
- 3 Money Jars: Tithe 10% / Save 10% / Spend 80% for allowance and any other earned money, etc.
- We do not litter.
- God’s name is Holy. We do not use the Lord’s Name in Vain.
- We CLEAN UP after ourselves. (after dinner table & dishes, after playtime, after the kids, after the grandkids –you leave the place the way you found it.)
- We worship on Sunday, we engage ministry and we serve. We don’t discuss if we are going to church any more than we discuss if we are going to school, going to work or going to sports practice if we are on a team. It’s part of our family code of values and rituals. We don’t keep re-discussing values we’ve already decided on.
- Be Grateful. (caution: dad abhors ingratitude)
- Keep your Word. (caution: dad abhors breaking your word. it’s nearly criminal and undoing to the relationship. If you commit to it, you complete it. You don’t take the income and then not do the job. Dad abhors breaking your word.)
- You can ASK ANYTHING … all conversations are open. Family is a safe place to discuss and process.
- When dad does the “famous dad whistle” everyone comes to dad. (at home, outside, at park, in a store – no matter where)
- We bless others (from tipping to giving generously, we figure out how to bless others as a habit of life).
Family Life Stuff
- Always Pray before meals (often hold hands). Dad picks someone to pray.
- All kids have chores and check off lists to complete. (Keep up with your chores. Mom makes meals, kids clean up.)
- $1 for every bible verse memorized (If you needed to earn money – you could 🙂. Ex: Jake memorized the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5-7 to earn $100 🙂).
- Elementary: Weekly Bible story art notebook. Read a Bible story, then sketch/color a scene from it in our own 3 ring notebook. Prayer times.
- MS/HS: Breakfast before school 3x a month with dad at McDonald’s or Cracker Barrel (devotional book & convo)
- Mom & Dads weekly Thursday date-night. (kids had sitter or eventually babysat).
- All-Family “family night” (pick fav food and game night) i.e. Life, Aggravation, Masterpiece, Clue, UNO until uno became a no-no.
- Watching shows together: Hogans Heroes, 1960’s Batman 🙂 and Veggie Tales.
- No Phones at the dinner table
- MS: everyone gets a “hobby” with dad (starts 11-12yr old). Kids pick (Josh = dirt bikes; Julisa = Starbuck’s &
- Plato’s closet shopping; Jake = golf; Jadon = Lego). 3x a month hobby time with dad.
- Everyone pursued at least one sport a season (not two a season); Each one pursued music for a few years.
- $5 if you caught dad on the phone (when he’s not supposed to be working 🙂)
- $3 for an illustration if dad uses you on Sunday as part of his sermon
- Dad got permission to use you for an illustration (you can say no and it’s ok)
- Everyone gets a job in the mid-teen years and learns to work.
- Pay for half of your first car and mom & dad match.
Holiday Stuff
- New Year’s Eve: Game night. Dad cooks shrimp. Pray out the old year and pray in the new year.
- Vacation Money Drop: Kids get cash on vacation to buy your own stuff (instead of asking mom & dad for stuff all vacation – you manage your own money and when you’re out – you’re out. If you bring money home, it goes
- back to dad.)
- We do Easter baskets and easter egg hunts 🙂!
- Everyone gets to pick their “CAKE” on their birthday.
- We do pumpkin carving night and trick-or-treat.
- We do Jaemor Farms as a family annually.
- Thanksgiving: Salt Bath the Turkey around 6 a.m. every thanksgiving morning (every gets up, everyone has ridiculous fun massaging salt into the turkey. Videos abound.)
- Back to Bed after salt bath and sleep in …
- Cinnamon Rolls for breakfast …
- Thanksgiving: Dad does the turkey (mom all else)
- Thanksgiving: Everyone Pre-Agrees that Thanksgiving is an All Myers Family Holiday. Even when married and children. The spouse can have all other holidays. But Thanksgiving Day is the Myers.
- Family Christmas tree with a bunch of family “ugly” ornaments (fun 🙂).
- Family Christmas Cookie decoration night (awesome)
- Christmas Eve (Jakes Birthday). It’s all about Jake (and Jesus), and we all get to open one Christmas gift.
- Family Christmas Eve with monkey bread tradition
- We do Christmas Stockings (with good stuff). You get one until you get married.
There you have it. An incomplete – imperfect summary of some of the Rituals that the Myers Family used to reinforce our Family Values. Perhaps it’s time for you to have a date night conversation. Or a small group or social media conversation among friends with kids in a similar season.
Have fun and figure out your Family Rituals.